Death Becomes Her

This is slightly out of sync, more like; the funniest thing that happened yesterday. I'm sure you can find it in your heart to forgive me?

Basically, my friends and I decided to figure out what we want to happen to us after we die.

Of course however, you'll never know if the things you've chosen ever happen. You're dead. 

I decided that I want my ashes to be made into a firework, with the song 'Firework by Katy Perry', playing at the same time. I want to go out with a bang.

Emma decided that she wants to be buried; so we have somewhere to visit. She also mentioned something about going out the same way as Elvis.

So I'm going to take this chance to tell her what will really happen after she dies; of course it will be in-line with what she has asked for. I also like loopholes.

I'll be really old when the fateful day arrives; thus not as mobile as previous years. A head stone would be too heavy to carry in my old lady shopping trolley. Therefore, I'll fashion one out of paper mache. Sorted. Something to mark your place.

A plot of land is expensive; my pension won't cover the cost. Therefore, you'll be buried in the back garden. Sorted. Somewhere to visit.

As a last point, I don't really fancy spending my last years in jail. I'm around 90% sure it's illegal to bury people in your back garden. Therefore, you'll be cremated and the ashes flushed down the loo. Sorted. You'll clog up the U-bend, like Elvis clogged up his internal U-bend. 

Of course, this is done with the deepest sympathy and love.

You would do the same for me I'm sure.